Nanowrimo 2010


51394, I did it this November, under pathetic odds no less, yay and whew.

The writers life is a sad solitary one-person path, It invites madness, you often find the path only to unleash the madness that lives inside.

I usually don’t know if I want to walk this path today, someday, forever, at all. I like bright shiny lights and people. A lot.

And while its been forced upon me by a vast body of literature that a choice must be made, you cannot have everything, I havent decided if it be true.

Balancing a compulsive compulsory madness with sanity may yet be done, I think its possible. Still figuring out how, I no longer ask why, some questions have no answer, some choices deserve never to be questioned.

The thing itself is a frightening ugly unsolvable hole, I avoid looking directly at it. All I accept are the symptoms and the effects. I go afraid down the path, I emerge happier, I cannot tell if I have slipped a little more into insanity, or pulled a little closer to “normal”, but its a happy transition, so its got to be my destiny.

And if it be the meaning of my destiny to someday sit in an asylum wearing a hat and talking about how terrible and beautiful life is, all the time, instead of scaling walls and living it, I hope it comes to me in degrees of movement and not a single avalanche of acceptance.

I hope I get some pretty damn powerful drugs and bells every Sunday to signify the passage of time through ether, and my own numbness through it all.

The reason I like this fantasy is that I can be alone all the time, without being questioned or badgered or annoyed, the reason I dont is, its going to take away my freedom of movement, I have a great big urge to travel around the world, not to see places, no, ive seen enough places, some are beautiful, some ugly, the people are all the same, and all different too.

I want to travel simply to feel distance and change beneath my feet, the urge to keep moving is very very powerful in me, I cannot sit still.

And this month I realized there are a few more myths about writers and writing. The keyboard vs hand one, for instance. A lot of self-help books on writing (yes I read self-help books, no shame, remember) say that writing by hand is more connected than typing, somehow it comes directly from the heart.

Bull. My heart is just as connected to my fingertips as to the hollow of my hand, and I type much faster than I write anyway,

I found that writing is very easily broken, I dont like fountain pens (good for your handwriting) or ball point pens that stutter, when my stream of thought is underway, any and all interruptions are unwelcome and plain annoying, which is why I rarely write in company.

Typing captures my stream of thought faster and more efficiently, I prefer it. Have given up handwriting. The only way hand scores is in making mind maps and drawing word associations, and someday im going to get a fancy tablet and take that away too.

And while all this talk is grand and vast and pompous, you may discount it heavily with facts. I havent actually written a book or anything, all im doing is getting my arms around this thing I have grown these many years, and enjoying myself, so, just another puny human talking, not really a sage or even qualified to spout wisdom (who is?).

which brings me to another myth about writing, that you gotta make money out of it to validate it/yourself. No you dont gotta, unless you have a competitive streak and need it to believe in yourself or your writing. I have neither need for the most part, I may actually someday make money off of it, but it will be coincidental, this is a bitter truth that emerged, but hey, at least I wont quit my day job and wait for inspiration to make me rich 😛

Myth 3 is not really a writing myth, just a generic dose of stupidity floating around the interwebs, calling itself a “cornerstone” and applying itself to all human activity.

“The medium is the message”

This one makes me really angry. This is only true for the lazy and the manipulative. The medium is the medium. The message is the message. You may choose any medium if you have something timeless to say, it will come through. You may be irresistibly drawn to a medium for its quality of affinity or relaxation or joy, there IS no message here, nor is there a need for one, just enjoy it, and try not to hurt anyone else in the process.

If we choose to substitute the medium for the message or vice versa, twist one into the other, or accept one instead of the other, it reflects far more on our own values than it does on either the medium or the message. This is just a transparent piece of marketing crap designed to make money and disguise true value, two birds one stone, bah!

And heres my test of a writer – If a ray of light hits your feet, and you’re just sitting there minding your own business, and you start wondering, did you choose this spot deliberately so you could feel some sunlight, if the ray of light is some kind of metaphor for your life, and is it better brighter or duller, is THAT another metaphor for the ebb and flow of your day, if you need a pedicure, if the light had a purpose to reveal to you, if you should move your feet closer or further, if you are feeling warmer or colder because of it, SHOULD you be feeling warmer or colder because of it, what do you need right now, warmth, coolness, light, shadow, if you wonder if it is fate that the angle of the light hits your feet exactly, THEN my friend, you have to try writing, you’re going around the bend anyway, might as well enjoy the ride 😀

Shady afterword – I realized, almost immediately that I’d made a grand mistake in the word count, ok so im not a math whiz, only had 46000 odd words in (dont ask), so in a frenzy I have written out new and frightening angles on breakfast and shopping non stop for two days, and made the count at 11:54 pm tonight at 50016, as is usually my style of finishing things, so my first Nanowrimo when I didnt limp home lame, YAYYY!

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One Response

  1. I recall, as a child, studying dust motes in sunbeams. I wonder if a writer must have that sort of mind.

    ~Absolutely Tooty, its a very entertaining mind to have

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