flashback


i was at a friend’s wedding today, missing another friend whose wedding i missed. tis the season for weddings this month!

marriages make me nostalgic, remind me of my own chequered romantic past sometimes happy sometimes grim, i think two people tying the knot is the most beautiful and most frightening risk you’ll ever take, trusting big chunks of your life to someone else …

i love weddings where im a stranger to everyone except the bride or groom. i can do my favorite thing in a crowd, sit and watch endlessly and there’s no one around to chat me up and force me into inane conversation loops and tooth curdling smiles that truly set me on edge. because i am quiet people tend to assume im shy and need drawing out. and boy, do i get drawn out!

i smelled a smell from a forgotten time, i do this a lot, call me part bloodhound. just a whiff, some tacky brand of deo i was so much in love with in my teens, impulse or zing or something. it brought back memories, that scent…

my first date. it was at a photography exhibition in the Taj Hotel in Bangalore. My date himself was only imperfectly aware of this momentous occasion, he was busily under the “we’re just special friends doing stuff together” delusion. i didn’t correct him, i didn’t understand guys well enough then to call the bullshit bluff. and now that i know, im the one pulling the bluff, irony has nothing on me!

anyway, i wore my impulse deo, just for him, and walked down the whole length of M.G. Road with a music player in my ears, just walked, it had to be at least 10 kilometers away, but i didn’t take a bus or a rick, i marched

not just because i was flat broke, we were just a couple of penniless kids with an, ah, dream. but also, because i was suddenly afraid of getting there too soon. i didn’t want to be the first to reach. Never in my life had i worried about that, i was early or i was late, it was the luck of the draw. There was no meaning to it. now i just kept checking the watch and counting the steps. I even remember the song i was listening to, it was duran duran – new moon on monday

this man is very special to my memories, but then, they are all. apart from sheer sex appeal, for his honesty, and his hypocrisy, somehow his honesty always meant well, and his hypocrisy was always in compassion of human foibles, his own, mine, even a street vendor’s. i fell a little in love with him when i saw him talk to an old man who used to beg on the roadside near the Majestic theater, not condescending, not rude, just understanding, just. equal. it was wonderful, unforgettable! i had no idea how rare that was until much much later after doing a lot more nasty growing up

he was also the most nervous and evasive about commitment among all the guys ive met, and most guys ive seen, talked to, or heard of, like a fawn and a gunshot. And i, flexing my new found wings of diabolical femme, told him “don’t think so far ahead, lets live life now, lets just be natural and see where this goes” of course i had already planned out where we would live ten years from then and how he would look if he went as bald as he feared

the rest of the evening blurs in my mind, i was on hormone overdrive, i only remember it was glorious, we sure made the room sizzle just staring into each other’s eyes, entirely oblivious to civilization and any rules of polite conduct or conversation or photography.

about one year later, near a fake handicraft gift shop outside the Sun Temple,at Konarak, our foreheads smeared with kumkum and holy ash (made him look like a priest, me like an unwashed guerrilla, confounding!) we both stood glaring at each other a foot apart, red with rage screaming insults in the middle of the road, surrounded by a whole crowd of humanity and led by the curio shop owner, all busy pretending not to watch.

and he said to me- “look, you were the one who said,” his voice went into elaborate falsetto “lets see where this goes, now SEE”

then we stopped and giggled. i miss that kind of chemistry, age has this way of dulling it. him and i, we were explosive together, or just horny teenagers, never could decide which. It was simply click,click,boom

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2 Responses

  1. with me the first time was more like a wet firecracker fizzling out, ah, but i’ve revealed way too much for a Friday afternoon…

    however, i thoroughly enjoyed this romp down mammory lane…

    ~MM – Thanks Chico!… yeah me too :D…

  2. Aah, this is how it should be.

    Thank you for this little tribute to your relationship – it sure did bring a smile to me face, and finally convince me about the goodness of humankind.

    Lovely stuff. Keep writing!

    ~MM – Hey Chittz, really?? Neat!! Goodness is a majority yknow, although we have to grit our teeth sometimes to believe it :(, thanks, glad you liked it :)!!

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